New strength

May 8th:
3.00 p.m.
Everyone waiting anxiously for the JPA results(including me). It postponed to 5 pm.

5.00 p.m.
Tried to get into esila JPA but failed.

6.00 p.m.
Tried again...but still failed getting into esila JPA.

6.20p.m.
took a rest and took Waggie for a walk.

6.50 p.m.
Went to fetch Shao Kang to MP.

7.30p.m.
Digging in at MP

11.15 p.m.
Results of JPA out...everyone had butterflies in their tummies. There were 3 lucky ones.(leow, kah wai, Yik Hoe)

11.40 p.m.
I checked esila JPA.(before that Pn chaw sms-ed me, thanks)




































_i did not get the scholarship_






May 9th(my sister's bday)
4.30 a.m.
I broke down suddenly during sleep. Cried . Tears just ran down my cheeks. I felt terrible, miserable.




I feel terrible now. I feel like a bundle of emotions trying to drown me down. It seems that i am no longer able to control myself. I feel like a lunatic. I feel like being beaten down. I am not strong enough. I can no longer hold the tears. I just feel weak. I don't wanna lose these all. I can't bear to miss this!!!









I feel so weak and vulnerable now. Tears are still flooding my eyes. I already feel homesick without even leaving the footsteps of my house. I will miss everything: bathing my dog, having dinner with my family, sending soup to my grandparents, calling my friends. I feel like i am about to leave my family.I miss my bed, Ipoh. I cannot believe it, this may be the very last nights that i am going to sleep in my bed in Ipoh. I suddenly feel the urge to stay. i tend to appreciate every single moment. I just could not tend to leave my family and friends as i love them and care for them so deeply that i am not capable of losing them. I cannot bear with the thoughts of leaving with my family.

This is the first time i am leaving my family for such a long period of time and without noticing it, i actually miss them more than i know. These tears keep streaming down my cheeks.


i feel weak. Am i not as strong as i thought?



Guys and gals:
Yes , JPA would give me the chance of a life time to study abroad but it seems that i have already acepted God's decision no matter whether i get to study overseas anot. I was not nervous when the results were announced. My heartbeat did not even pace up.( i have no regrets of my interview)

Maybe i did not want this as much as i seem i wanted it. Maybe i just did not really care for JPA, maybe i have prepared myself 100% that i would be heading off to Pahang, but i have to say that the thoughts of leaving Ipoh is just killing me.

There is none like my family and friends. Thank you Lord for your mighty love.
They are my tower of love, my pillar of strength, my essence of joy.


Nothing compares to the love i have for my family and friends.





It seems ironic that i would even shed a tear for something like leaving my family and friends. But it just came naturally. Never i have thought of imagining myself in this awkward position.





So...GOOD Luck to you all!!!! I will cherish the last day i am in Ipoh!!! Wait for my calls and smses!!!





visit me in Gambang!! as this is going to be a new chapter in my life!!!! i wanna invite you guys into the pages of my life. You guys are like ink in a diary: irreplaceable.