i guess architecture won't be as easy as i thought...browsing through my senior's blogs i am like super impressed..our creation is a product of creativity, direction, determination...having talent alone does not count...

i love the creativity process of the whole studio and seriously, im kinda missing the crazy(no bamboo pls) assignments..i want my creativity to flow again...i have to stop FB-ing so much...start to focus on a whole new direction..can i make it?? yes..

i realise how blessed i am to have such a great family...amazing seniors..i mean..i was like walao...i want to improve, grow, and metamorphose throught this Journey...Apex or not, guess what? i dun care...its my journey and im gonna live and enjoy it to teh fullest..

Yousheng..think Blake Lively! think Evelyn Salt!!! Kris Allen!!!! haha....LAdy GAGA...think BIG!!!!!

Uni life..2 months..

its been 2 months since i am in USM and i am loving every second of it...nevertheless, i gotta have more self control..have been radiating too much lately...well..let the pictures tell the story of my USM life so far..life is great!!!! thank u GOD!!!! let me grow more within!






met loads of great people...i need 2 learn more..learn faster but keep to my own principles..haha

trauma

traumatized.
Never intended for that to take place. Please forgive me.
I should have prayed for that but i prayed for other things.
Its just not a good feeling.
Its like a worm eating your heart out.
Helpless...all i can do now is to pray.
I intended today to be a day of a fresh start, a new beginning-Genesis.
I guess its still a beginning, a lesson learnt.
I ought to be more careful.
When will i have the confidence again?

the last chapter

its been a long time and it seems its gonna be the end of the road. Somehow, i feel relieved that its all gonna come to an end. This odyssey as i call it has broken and mended me at the same time, moulding me into a person i vision myself of.

Things have been different-the way i act, they way i speak to others, my perception to others. Somehow, i still feel the naive child in me has not left but has only been exposed more to the outside world. There are many times that i felt like giving up, breaking down, letting destiny go by its way, but somehow, i mustered enough courage to go through it all. Bonds have been made, some strengthened, some lost its sparkle. Yet, i feel so grateful for all that God has made me go through.

i wonder what would happen if the circle of exotic of friends remained the same as i could clearly remember. Things may have gone to a different direction as i wished it would, but i still cherish the moments i went through with you all.

to a friend of mine:
There is something i wanted to tell you all along but i just don't know how to open up to you. I just wished that you were the down to earth friend whom i knew. i really wished so.

yet, there has been light and rejoice as my friendship with others blossomed. they have been a breath of fresh air for me, and i thank them very much for all the joy they brought to my life.

Who knew an exhibition could somehow relight the fire inside me to express myself creativity. creatively. It was my fuel that kept me inspired and gave me a vision. Viewing those photo albums, gave me some sort of accomplishment that we together had managed to go through all obstacles and visualized our dream. It was a success i do agree-something that is hard to hear from my mouth.

now its the final struggle , all i have to do is to have more faith and i will be able to make it through. I have to convince myself to believe in myself. i have to. will succeed. i know i will. What lies ahead my future is still an unknown . yet, i have to renew my doubt with hope and faith. I can ...

thanks Pn Shariza for giving me a word of encouragement the other day, what you said, really meant mountains to me, and for those who broke me down unintentionally, its alright, you won;t be able to knock me down.

oohoo..heading back to Pahang tomorrow. whats on my mind nw?? -vacancy...

awaiting the CNy hols..can't want to get back to Ipoh as soon as possible...i really like staying at Ipoh , at Ipoh, even though it means doing nothing..

ah ohya..the homework and studies i put aside. Oh well...there's still tomorrow...this hols was spent nice-went KL with the exotic circle of friends, went visit old school, met 2 crazy people..

i love holidays...

knock you down

Gonna keep my heads up high, gonna be strong, gonna prepare myself as tougher roads await me. This is a chance for me to prove to myself that i am able to overcome myself, the barriers, the shells confining me. Though knocked down, i am gonna fight back with full throttle, giving my very best. this is not gonna stop me from reaching my dreams.

I am gonna knockMUET down...!

a metamorphing journey.

times has changed, methamorphosis is taking place. without prior notice, much have passed, loads have cherished, many lessons were learnt, many changes has taken place. From the beginning, there was i, a tuition teacher, then a scholarship wannabe. appleboy to finally reverting back to my old self-the true me.

Recalling this year, time really flew. recalling the good and bad made me realised how far i have travelled. life is after all a journey, one that have ups and downs, just like a ferris wheel ride. At times, i wish i could reach the peak, the highest point, but when i reached that pivotal point, i realise that i have to start the journey all over again. Just like a ferris wheel ride, the wheel rotates , from the lowest point to the highest point and this process continues until the time your ride is finished-the time you leave the ride to embark a new journey.

Life at Kmph is a learning process, a journey, an odyssey, a flight that really strenghtens me and morphes me to learn more about myself and creating myself. Quoted from a dear friend of mine, "Life is not about finding yourself, but its a process of creating yourself." through these 7 months so far, much have veen learnt and experienced visually, emotionally, physicaaly and spiritually. i see growth, metamorphosis, radical changes. I think i now know the person i want to be, the somebody i can picture myself to be.

At Kmph, i learnt to 'make things work'. complaining is a form of releasing dissatisfaction and stress but continuous of complaints is a sign of weakness, an irritation to ones ears. I have complained much, from my dissatisfaction to my maths teaches to the 'lack of interest or senstivity' to maths which ultimately leads to the lacklustre performace of mine in maths. Yet, it was a fellow Ipoh based teacher-pn Shariza who slapped me on my face and made me realized that giving excuses and complaining is just an excuse of being a spoiled brat and laziness, All i have to do is to make it WORK!!!!

There was a so called Appleboy mania at kmph where i was labelled as this apple eating boy at lecture guy. that was a period of fun, joy, of excitement. Those were some of my golden days where i felt i received illumination, enlightment, blessing. I felt like a phoenix reborn from ashes. i was new in a new environment, totally fresh in an exotic place, ready to explore all boudaries, every corner, ready to create a new me, met new people, ready to embark a journey, That was a point in life where i was filled with confidence where my jar of confidence is sligtly over-filled resulting in a change of persona within me, which i slightly noticed. I was starting to change to something that i would not like, unnoticed, unintentionally. I was turning Ugly. Yet, at the right point, i reverted, God's blessings made me change. Here i am now.

Blessed. Blessed to meet these new friends whom accepted me, whom i accept and care for. i respect them for their individuality and qualities which i learnt a lot from. And then was when i quetioned Him for sending them away , one by one from me. Yet, i received new blessings , new friendships were created, existed bonds were strengthed.

i met great roommates, good friends, future leaders, yet, at this point, i feel people around me have been changing, in a manner that makes me realise and rethink who they really are, their true colors. At some times, what i see is not what i like. It is an eyesore, yet i still care deeply and sincrely for them. i am confused by the persona i am facing. Do people change? or does it take time before one reveals his true colors. As far as i am concerned, these changes can be seen as thorns to others. Yet, this is a time i stay firm with my integrity, my principles. all i want and have to do now is to save me from myself. these thoughts can and must no longer change or effect me emotionally. i need to stay strong. true friends do not tolerate,they accept.

As various memories refreshes through my mind, i feel more grown up. but i know i have much more to learn, much more to explore and see. I like being myself-crazy, a lunatic, an ambassador, talkative, always smilling. i realise i talk as a person, a true human-vulnerable and all bariers broken down., and i like it.

this year, i feel even more connected to my family that i have ever felt in a long time. I thank you, Lord. for a blessed year.


UPS is next year, 3days ahead, and next year , 2010, a better, blessed year is 20 minutes ahead, awaiting for me as i embark on a different flight. As a passenger, now , i await my destionation. Time is not the main factor, it is the journey and the destination that truly matters.