Words cant explain everything

its been almost a week since i last wrote my last post, well its not because i was busy but maybe its because of the laziness....haha...i attempted to write a post but accidentally deleted it..oh well..

well the reason why i insisted myself to write this post is because i do not want the memories pass by and be forgeted. i want them to be like in my mind forever as after this incident, i get the chance to see closer who my true friends are.

last wed (22 october ) was my birthday, and i was like wondering the night earlier, will i have a surprise celebration that my previous friends usually have? Will i have a birthday cake?..being completely prepared(mentally) as i was told weeks before that there would be no surprises for me.Oh well, i tried to like pacify myself and thought' Maybe its like a mental game they are trying to play on me' you know they could be like....Oh no no celebration for you den they could pop up and sing a birthday cake for me.....this could be a fantasy but well believe it or not, the sence of receiving a birthday cake with candles freaks me out. its not that i don't appreciate my friends but i just don't really anticipate a sudden birthday bash in front of all my class mates and luckilly there was no such plans...

well, back to my birthday bash, haha....i felt so Cheap, i was like possesed, i dint know what i was thinking, but maybe its the anticipation that made me behave this way...guess what i sis...i checked my friends schoolbags to see if they kept their present for me in there....hahaha....i was like searching and searching....but none of the 2 bags i checked had a birthday present, well not to say i was dissapointed as i was imformed earlier that they would be no birthday celebrations for me but it was a sense of emptiness that kinda brought out the grumpiness in me...haha

that whole day i was like grumping to my friends , esp shao kang the boy sitting behind me.i was like 'hey you know what i don't like cakes bit in the mean time, if i had to choose a cake to eat, i would like something with some wine that would give a tang' 'hey, i actually don't like presents, why waste your money' and these quetions went on the whole day. Poor shao kang. and it went on until i acidentally did something that i thought frustrated kok wan. he was like boasting to all my friends that how i would like to have a birthday celebration and i sprang onto him at once and closed his mouth with my bare hands accidentally like pushing his spectacles. well, he seemed angry and was like dingin(cold) to me.i tried like apologizing at once as i did not want our realtionship to be dingin, trust me u don't want to be dingin with this guy(esp on my birthday). well, i was like can i talk to you seriously....and it kinda went all right....haha...next

during Miss Poh's lesson, we talked about tiramisu and a girl called siao en...you know tiramisu having layers and layers of cream...it kinda related to the size of siao en as she was kinda big in stature, well talking about tiramisu, there was i again..boasting and boasting,,,,wishing for some surprise. Maybe it is my birthday or something, everything seemed to pass by so lsowly. i could still remeber how time passed, how everything went by so slowly. i still remember that during recess, i din;t want to go to the canteen. i was like thinking, what if they wanted to celebrate for me in the canteen, that would be embarassing...haha...silly me

then it was after school that i realised that my dreams are all over. there is no birthday bash for me. there is nothing, feeling empty, i did notknow whta to do, well all i did was to accept the fact.
Devil woman(zhi cong) earlier asked me to Parade(shopping complex) to like treat me for lunch so, we went along with 2 other friends, kuan fei and shao kang.

at the food court we sat and chat for a while until a birthday cake suddenly appeared it front of me. my eyes were like left wide, i was like blushing well sort of, i din't know whta to say ans there was i saying 'whos this cake for?' i was like speechless then kokw an appeared. and i was like.....what...?....OMG...shit ....i din;t know what to say ...it was a sense that i just could not catch a glimpse of what i am doing. i guess its not over as the surprises kept coming i glanced back and i saw someone who looked like my firend Jinny behind of me from afar, i was like is there something wrong with my eyes...don;t tell me those sui zai really got Jinny to come....i din't know hoe to react, speechless, red....blushing...argh..hate to remember that feeling...it was weird..

seeing and knowing so many friends remmebered my birthday was touching, but the best part is they actually put effort to help celebrate my birthday, Birthdays, its same every day, at one point in my life i was like thinking so great is it for me to have such greeat friends and i truly mean this from the bottom of my heart, i sewar to God . Trust me, i wil always remmeber my friends and i care for every one of them. i care for them. i do care, thank you . words still cant explain how i feel but it was just this sense of slight euphoria. the sad thing is that since this is our graduation year, after a short while , we would be taking our SPM, then we will be like separated, we will go on our own ways. Kok wan, kee min, zhi cong, kuan fei, kah wai, hon lunn, bing jian, yanngee, jinny, yong shen ,KKC and SHAO KANG...they will no longer be a part of my days. Will they change?....will i change?...i just hope to like capture the moment that we are all together and frame it in the bottom of my heart. looking at the card with all my friend's blessing and trust is like looking back at the past year, looking back at the times we were together, looking back at the past, hoping for a new chapter in our future. Amon de.